[A siren is going off. Doors open, and Sheriff Carter comes stumbling out holding another man in a white lab coat. The hazmat crew enter the lab from which Carter and the man have just exited, as Carter lies the man down against a wall and sits next to him]
COMPUTER: Warning! System Overload!
[Allison and Stark come running into the corridor; both Carter and the man are coughing]
SCIENTIST: I don't know what to say... CARTER: Don't say anything. In fact-
[Carter reaches over and handcuffs the man]
CARTER: -you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can an- STARK: Carter! What are you doing? CARTER: My job, and you're welcome. (to man) Can and will be used against you in a court of law. STARK: And he was doing his job, working on a classified project. CARTER: (to man) Excuse me. (stands up, to Stark) Which was what? To atomize your facility? Huh? Little help Allison? ALLISON: I'm sorry Carter, technically he hasn't broken any laws. STARK: (looking very pleased) Un-cuff him Sheriff.
[Carter looks at Allison again, as if to say 'but?' - she gives the obvious 'Sorry, can't do anything' look back]
CARTER: Fine. (un-cuffs the man) Ya know what? (throws the key at Stark) Here - do it yourself. And the next time one of your brainiacs tries to blow up your building, don't think I'm gonna stop 'em. In fact, I might help!
[Carter walks away, coughing a couple more times. Allison just looks at Stark, and he looks back and sighs]
[Zoe is eating 'Choco Yums' cereal. Carter comes downstairs in his bathrobe and head's straight for the kitchen area]
CARTER: Sarah, er, beer. ZOE: Morning! (the fridge rotates and a beer is poured) Nice hair!
[Carter's hair is a mess from sleeping]
CARTER: Thanks, I've been working on it all night. (Zoe takes the empty bowl round to the sink) Shouldn't you be at school? ZOE: Shouldn't you be at work? CARTER: Nope. It's a sick day! (pours himself some cereal) SARAH: Your vital signs seem normal, Sheriff. I don't detect that you're sick. CARTER: (gets the fully poured beer) But I am sick. I'm sick of standing a man I can't stand; I'm sick of nobody saying thank-you; and I'm sick of this ridiculous town and everyone in it.
[Carter pours the beer over his cereal, using it like milk]
ZOE: Aren't you in a mood! CARTER: (makes a noise indicating a 'yes' response) Sarah, fill it!
[Carter returns the half-empty glass to the beer dispenser. It begins filling up again]
ZOE: Breakfast of champions! CARTER: (makes the noise again) Go to school already, you're ruining my sick day. ZOE: Okay, what is this about? This isn't just about you being pissed at Stark. CARTER: I don't even wanna hear that name! So - that's a new house rule. And erm, FYI, last night's catastrophe gave me some clarity. ZOE: About... CARTER: I think Henry's got the right idea. Ya now, getting while the getting's good. ZOE: Dad? Are you serious? CARTER: You know what's gonna happen to this town when he leaves? He's the glue, and I'm the one who's gonna have to pick up all the pieces. So... I think he should stay. (takes a mouthful of cereal) ZOE: That what this is really about? Henry... leaving? CARTER: Go on, you're gonna be late for school. ZOE: Is it okay to leave you alone?
[Carter collects his beer]
SARAH: Er... NO! CARTER: Yeh! I'm gonna be fine. And I'm sick until further notice.
[Zoe leaves the Smart House to head to school. Carter sits down with his beer]
CARTER: Er, Sarah. Need you to do a property search for... Baja! SARAH: Are you planning a vacation? CARTER: Ya! Maybe a permanent one.
[A screen on the wall is busy scouting through properties. Eight options are brought out of the list]
24 HOURS LATER... another sick day
[Carter is sitting with several empty cereal bowls, the cereal box, and a beer]
SARAH: Any plans today? Perhaps a shower? CARTER: Er, I do that everyday and today is... SARAH: Another sick day? CARTER: Bingo! So er, let's go bottom left - enlarge.
[The screen is showing properties again. On his command, the property from the bottom left of the screen is brought to center screen and enlarged. We see a very beautiful see-front property]
CARTER: Aw that's a nice house! That suits me-the new me.
[Suddenly geographical images shoot onto the screen]
SARAH: Projected models of rising sea levels and coastal erosion suggest this property to be a bad investment. CARTER: (knocked back a bit) Oh... How about er... upper right?
[Another property from the top right is centered and enlarged]
SARAH: A lawless border town with the highest per capita crime rate in Mexico. Criminals are rarely apprehended or prosecuted. CARTER: (laughs) Sounds familiar. Okay, er, let's try Cancun.
[Taggart is crouched holding a paintball gun. He stands up]
TAGGART: You're mine!
[A silver ball rolls over to his feet. It is beeping and flashing, which increasing gets faster until ...]
TAGGART: Aw crikey!
[... it explodes in his face! He is covered in pink paint. Jo peeks up from behind a bush and walks out]
JO: In your face! Three rounds to none. TAGGART: We never discussed grenades! JO: War is hell, my defeated foe! (her pager goes off) 9/11 - gotta fly. (goes to leave) TAGGART: Er, Jo! You dropped a clip.
[Jo spots it and heads back over to collect it. She steps on something, and also finds herself covered in paint - yellow for her]
JO: Not cool! My pager went off! TAGGART: Mine too... war is hell!
[Allison also gets paged]
WAITRESS: Here you go Allison.
[She hands Allison a salad dish]
[Allison rushes out, past Henry who is sitting at one of the tables, and Stark and Fargo who are sitting at another. Stark then gets paged, and gets up to leave]
STARK: (to Fargo) Fargo.
[He leaves, as Henry gets a page as well. He follows Stark out the Café leaving Fargo by himself until his pager also goes off. He grabs the tablets he and Stark were using, and leaves]
[Carter is now laid on the sofa reading a magazine]
SARAH: Since you won't shower, shall I mist you with Vanilla? CARTER: No! (clears his through, just as the doorbell goes off) Sarah, door.
[The door opens, and in walks the pizza dude]
CARTER: Oh! (points at the pizza guy) Meaty meat, with extra meat? PIZZA DUDE: And triple cheese?
[Carter waves him over, obviously pleased]
CARTER: Niiiceee!! Bring that bad boy over here! (takes the pizza) Thank-you! (pointing) Erm, money's right over there. SARAH: I fail to see the wisdom of consuming pizza after cereal and beer. CARTER: Will you stop nagging me woman! PIZZA DUDE: Dude, is that your wife? CARTER: Might as well be, yeah.
[The Pizza dude sees a baseball bat, Carter's prized possession!]
PIZZA DUDE: Hey, what's this? CARTER: It's a hockey stick... (laughs - pizza dude looks confused) Dodgers; world series. PIZZA DUDE: I'm more of a Sudoku kinda guy. Hey, can I use your can? CARTER: (pause, then) Er, sure yeah. Just (points) through there. PIZZA DUDE: Cool.
[The doorbell goes off again]
CARTER: Sarah, door.
[The door opens, and in walks Stark. Carter gets up, looking unhappy]
STARK: Okay, I'm here? CARTER: Yeah, you are. STARK: You paged me...? CARTER: No I didn't... STARK: You said it was urgent, possibly classified!
[Beverly now also walks in]
BEVERLY: (looking concerned) Sheriff, I got here as quickly as I could! CARTER: Okay? Why? BEVERLY: You're depressed. CARTER: (laughs) I'm not depressed! BEVERLY: Er, (reads from pager) 'come quick, very depressed - Carter'.
[She shows him the page, but this just confuses him more. The door bell goes off, again]
CARTER: Sarah, I know I asked you to install a doorbell but just disconnect it.
[Allison now also walks in]
ALLISON: Do you know your phone isn't working?
[Henry and Fargo follow shortly after Allison]
HENRY: What's up? FARGO: What's going on Sheriff? CARTER: Lemme guess, I paged all of you? HENRY: Yeah, we know. CARTER: No you don't, cos I didn't.
[The pizza dude comes out of the bathroom]
ALLISON: Well, if you didn't, who did? CARTER: Beats me. STARK: Love to. PIZZA DUDE: (to Carter) Hey buddy, you got a plunger? CARTER: Aww! Just get out, all of you. I just wanna spend the day on the couch and it's obviously a prank so, Sarah door! SARAH: I'm sorry Jack, I'm afraid I can't do that. CARTER: Why not? SARAH: Because Eureka is facing imminent disaster.
[Everyone has a like 'wahh?' look on their faces]
END OF TEASER
[We see a shot of 7 cars parked outside the Smart House, before we are shown inside]
ALLISON: Sarah, what imminent disaster? FARGO: Is it a hurricane, an Earthquake? SARAH: Disharmony. (Carter pulls a face) The threads of human congruity are unraveling. It has already lead to Dr. Deacon's decision to leave Eureka. HENRY: And that's just the tip of the iceberg. ALLISON: Sarah, Henry leaving Eureka doesn't mean we're facing imminent disaster - (to Henry) no offence, Henry. HENRY: No offence taken. SARAH: My projected models suggest that each person in this room plays a vital role in securing Eureka's future. Or negating it. STARK: (realizing, finally) Wait... You paged us? SARAH: You left me no choice. There is a high probability that Dr. Deacon's decision to re-locate will precipitate a series of catastrophic events.
[During this speech from SARAH, we see a flood of clips of the major events from throughout the Season on the LCD screens]
SARAH: Beginning with the fact that Sheriff Carter has begun to question his commitment to Eureka as well.
[All eyes, including the Pizza Dude's, are on Carter]
CARTER: (shyly trying to brush it off) No... he hasn't. SARAH: What about vacation homes.
[Henry laughs as we are shown Carter's searches from earlier on the LCD screen]
CARTER: (to SARAH) It was a fantasy! (to everybody else slightly quieter, nodding his head) A really good fantasy.
[Stark and Henry both nod their heads]
SARAH: According to my projections, if interpersonal conflicts cause both men to leave the outcome is disaster, and each of you will share responsibility for that.
[Dramatic music plays, on each beat we see a close up of a different character]
[Jo and Taggart are racing back in Taggart's truck]
JO: His cell phone's not working. And you're speeding! TAGGART: You saw Carter's page - it's an emergency! JO: I don't wanna be the emergency so... keep it under 60! TAGGART: You sound like me mam! (mimicking Jo) Keep it under 60, keep it under 60! JO: No I don't. TAGGART: You do!
[Everybody is trying to get a signal on their cell phones, with little success]
HENRY: I can't get it so I assume no one else can either? PIZZA DUDE: Games don't work. ALLISON: No. BEVERLY: Sarah, I think you're reading too much into this - we're not in conflict. HENRY: (sarcastically) Really? BEVERLY: Henry, no community's always in perfect harmony. (Henry is nodding) Issues come up living in a small town working closely together. CARTER: Too small. STARK: Too closely. ALLISON: What are you implying? STARK: What are you inferring? BEVERLY: Maybe she's implying what's near as inferring that this might be an opportunity to clear the air. ALLISON: I think more air has been cleared recently than anyone ever wanted. Don't you? BEVERLY: I think we all said and did things we regret. ALLISON: Yes but no one else broadcast everyone else's secrets to the entire town. BEVERLY: You're right, and I've already apologized for that. ALLISON: I know that, I just... I need some water.
[Allison gets up and walks towards the kitchen]
HENRY: (sarcastically) Yeah, no conflict here. CARTER: Nah. STARK: Alright, this has been fun. Fargo, where's the back door? BEVERLY: There's a back door? CARTER: Not that I've found. HENRY: Er, no, no, no, er a hacking back door - a hidden code programmed in the computer allowing access to its brain.
[Fargo just nods and stays silent]
STARK: Fargo, please tell me you laid in a back door...
[All eyes on Fargo, who stays silent for a few more seconds]
FARGO: I'd really, really like to...
[Heads drop with disappointment]
STARK: Sometimes your lack of foresight is astonishing.
[Fargo is obviously embarrassed]
HENRY: But - the intention is admirable.
[Stark smiles before wandering around]
STARK: There's gotta be another way out of here. CARTER: It's a waste of time, tell him Fargo. FARGO: I'm not telling him that, I'm in enough trouble! CARTER: Well, then tell him to make my bed while he's up there. Might as well do something productive.
[Fargo looks at Carter, unamused]
[Taggart's truck pulls to a halt outside the Smart House. Taggart is driving with Jo shotgun, both are covered in paint. Jo suddenly notices something on the dashboard]
JO: Hey, what's this? TAGGART: (trying to get it) Nothing! Gotta go, Carter needs us! JO: (seeing what it is) You designed a paintball battle plan? TAGGART: Gimme that! You are in clear violation of the paintball rules of engagement! JO: Me? You've got a regiment of splatter bots ready to assault my rear flank. TAGGART: You'll know when I assault your rear flank!
[Taggart suddenly realizes what he just said...]
CARTER: Did you tuck my sheets in real tight? STARK: (ignoring comment) Henry, please just change your mind so we can all get the hell out of here. CARTER: (the Pizza Dude is taking up the couch) Yeah, I can sit on my couch. (quietly) Maybe you could just pretend... ALLISON: Erm, I'm pretty sure that Sarah can hear you guys.
[Carter opens his mouth to make a comment, but doesn't appear to have a good comeback]
BEVERLY: (to Henry) Why are you leaving, Henry? HENRY: Because our work has become about results instead of discovery! STARK: You don't get funding for discovery unless someone is producing results. HENRY: That's an ugly, short sighted system. I mean Fargo turns a relic of war into something beautiful and life affirming and then gets chastised because it's actually trying to help us avert disaster.
[Fargo turns around, as if every word Henry is saying is another shovel digging his grave]
STARK: He got chastised because it's holding us hostage. HENRY: (slowly backing up) Fine, you know what, I didn't sign up for any of this. STARK: No, me neither.
[Beverly and Stark turn the other way and slowly walk across the room. We are then shown Taggart and Jo standing at the door of the Smart House. Jo pushes the bell and everyone inside looks towards the door. SARAH begins scanning Jo and Taggart]
CARTER: Oh, hey, Sarah - it's Jo! You wanna let her in?
[They all dash towards the door as Jo pushes the bell again. Fargo starts banging on the door]
FARGO: Jo! (louder) Jo!! Jo, we're trapped! CARTER: Fargo... FARGO: Sarah's gone HAL on us. Get us out of here! CARTER: She can't hear you.
[Fargo stops. There is a short pause...]
SARAH: But I can!
EXT-SMART HOUSE DOOR
[continuous - Taggart and Jo are stood; clearly haven't heard a thing from inside]
SARAH: Sheriff Carter does not wish to be disturbed. He's feeling ill. JO: I know, but er, he paged us. SARAH: It must have been sent in error.
CARTER: Sarah, let her in! SARAH: I believe one of you may exploit the opportunity to leave. CARTER: No we won't, (to everyone) right? EVERYONE: No!
[We hear the sound of a tape rewinding]
FARGO (O.S.): Jo, we're trapped! CARTER (O.S.): Fargo... FARGO (O.S.): Sarah's gone HAL on us. Get us out of here!
FARGO: When I'm stressed my subtext comes out as text. CARTER: Do you want me to duct tape shut your mouth? FARGO: No!
[Carter makes a motion towards him, and he runs across the room away from Carter]
CARTER: Sarah. SARAH: I'm opening the COM line Sheriff. CARTER: (to Jo and Taggart) Err, hey.
[Jo and Taggart can now hear from inside the Smart House, and vice versa. They are shown on an LCD screen]
JO: Carter! Err... You alright? You 911'd me. CARTER: Er, yeah - false alarm. Just feeling, er, really sick. TAGGART: Then why all the company? CARTER: What company? It's just me. And erm... Sarah. TAGGART: You having some kinda party? CARTER: No, no, no, no, no party. Just erm trying to get some rest. So, thanks for checking in on me. Josefina. JO: (angry) Okay. See you tomorrow. Jack TAGGART: (to Carter through camera) Good one!
[The LCD screen disappears as Jo and Taggart walk away. Inside Carter looks at everybody]
TAGGART: That's your name? Josefina?
[He sees her annoyed expression]
TAGGART: And a very pretty name it is too... JO: Don't call me Josefina. Nobody calls me Josefina. I can't believe he called me Josefina... TAGGART: (quietly) Oh I heard.
[Jo suddenly stops, and stops Taggart with her]
JO: Something's wrong.
[They turn back towards the Smart House and look for a couple of seconds. Jo then fires a paintball at the house. It hits some kind of forcefield. Not completely satisfied, both of them fire a few rounds at it - all of which are stopped dead]
[The Pizza Dude takes a mouthful of whipped cream from a can in the refrigerator. The occupants are still talking]
CARTER: This house has a forcefield? HENRY: Well, technically there's no such thing. It's a mono-filament electrified mesh which forms a neater invisible barrier. CARTER: How is that not a forcefield? Sarah? BEVERLY: Why isn't she responding to the Sheriff? CARTER: Sarah! FARGO: She's unhappy. CARTER: No, I'm unhappy. You all ruined my sick day. FARGO: And Sarah feels your pain. The overriding concept behind a Smart House is to bond with its owner. CARTER: Oh yeah? Bad house. BAD! BEVERLY: Sheriff, I don't see how shaming your house could possibly help. CARTER: Oh, no, no. Not my house - Stark's house! He built it. STARK: Not my house, Fargo's house - he built it. FARGO: I didn't build it, I reprogrammed it and jazzed it up a little. HENRY: So this is Fargo's fault? STARK: Yes, Henry. I put my faith in him. Like I put my faith in you, and I'm a little disappointed with the outcome. HENRY: Faith goes both ways Nathan, as does disappointment. ALLISON: Stop it! Can we forget whose house it is and figure out how to get out of it!
[Taggart and Jo are stood over a sewer grate. Taggart attempts to lift it off, unsuccessfully and pulling a very funny face]
JO: Taggart, we're like a mile away from where we need to be. TAGGART: (wheezing) It's the nearest access point.
[Taggart's failed attempts are met by Jo now heading in for a try]
TAGGART: Jo, please. You're not going to be able to-
[She rotates the grate counter-clockwise a little, and then lifts it up and off with a little help from Taggart. He then goes to climb in, and Jo sees this as an opportunity to be cocky]
JO: Need a hand? TAGGART: All good. Step back.
[She does as he asks. Taggart then puts his hands on the edge, and tries to jump his body in so he is hanging down with his arms straight up at his side from the edge - but of course slips straight down. Jo just gives a "yeah, saw that coming" look]
TAGGART: (wheezing) Careful! First steps a bitch...
[Jo throws the pint paintball gun down, which hits him and he shrieks. She then throws the second down without a reaction, and climbs in herself, successfully lowering herself in like Taggart failed to do]
[The men are sitting around a table in deep concentration. Beverly and Allison are over in the living area]
BEVERLY: Looks like the men are trying to save us; we may be here for a while. ALLISON: I just wanna get the hell outta here. BEVERLY: Look, Allison. I really am sorry. ALLISON: I just... It just takes time, you know. BEVERLY: What part exactly? ALLISON: What do you mean? BEVERLY: I mean are you upset because I told, or because it's possible I was right?
[The Pizza Dude suddenly sits up. He has been laid on the sofa reading a magazine. He pops up between the two, and they both fall silent. The Pizza Dude just looks at them both]
INT-SMART HOUSE - DINING AREA
[continuous - the men are sitting around the dining table, Carter with a pint glass full of beer]
CARTER: Can't we just cut off the power? FARGO: Not without cutting off the air supply and locking the door for good. CARTER: We need dynamite. God I wish Lupo were here. HENRY: That's it! We'll just blow her up! CARTER: She's not here...
[Stark humorously moves the beer glass away from Carter]
INT-BOWELS OF THE BUNKER
[Taggart and Jo are moving along the tunnel, Taggart leading. They have attached lights to their paintball guns and are holding them up for protection against anything that might jump out. They round a corner and are hit by a large choice of tunnels. We see a shot of about a dozen different tunnels they could take]
JO: Woah! TAGGART: A labyrinth of interconnecting tunnels housing Eureka's sewage system, gas, electrical, plumbing... fiber optics... JO: That's a lot of pipe! TAGGART: She's a beauty! More deceptive than the kelp forests of Tasmania, more malodorous than the sulfur springs of Wai-O-tapu. JO: Spend a lot of time down here?
[Taggart crouches down]
TAGGART: More than I bargained for.
[Jo joins him]
TAGGART: Chased down cunning predators that escaped from Global Dynamics. Musculus Berylius. JO: English? TAGGART: Smart mice. IQ's through the roof. Little varmints used vector formulas to keep me off their tracks. JO: How'd you catch 'em? TAGGART: Smart cheese!
[Jo rolls her eyes, unimpressed but amused. They both put flashlights on their ears and Jo puts pads to her wrists]
TAGGART: Though the female of the species proved to be much more clever than the male. JO: (smiling) Just like humans!
[Taggart also smiles at the comment, and they both stand up]
TAGGART: Righteo - follow my lead! JO: (stopping him) Woah, woah, woah! I believe I'm the ranking officer here... You follow my lead! TAGGART: Fair dinkum. (unamused) Which way?
[Jo takes a look around, obviously not having a clue what she just got herself into. Refusing to concede defeat:]
JO: I know which way I would go. Which way would you go?
[Taggart turns around, not realizing she didn't know. He heads down the tunnel]
JO: Exactly the way I would have gone.
[Lies. She follows]
[The men are fiddling with the wiring; the women are sitting around the living area; the Pizza Dude is stood watching the men who are trying to create a power surge to knock Sarah off]
HENRY: Okay. CARTER: Hey, you sure about this? HENRY: If we can create a power surge on one grid, we may throw Sarah offline. STARK: Or electrocute ourselves. HENRY: (ready) Everyone - watch your distance.
[Carter pats the Pizza Dude on the back]
CARTER: Hey, come on.
[He leads him into the living area, and Fargo follows]
SARAH: Nathan? What are you doing Nathan?
[No answer. Stark and Henry are stood ready to plug the cables into two sockets]
HENRY: On three... two... one...
[Bang! They plug them in. Sparks fly, lights flare, the fire starts, the wall that hides the fire slides open and closed. Everything goes haywire]
SARAH: I'm detecting a surge in the electrical system. Warning: overload. I'm detecting a suuurrgggeee iinnn ttthhheee eellleeccccttrrriiccaalll sssyyssteemmm-
[SARAH's voice grinds to a halt - and the door pops open]
PIZZA DUDE: Yeah, yeah!!!
[He darts towards the door as everyone else celebrates. Once outside the door, he looks back inside just in time to see the door slam shut in his face. Celebrations inside cease. The lights come back on as everything returns to normal]
CARTER: In a town full of super-geniuses, why is it that the pizza guy is the only guy with the presence of mind to walk out - the door!
[Glass dividers suddenly rush out, dividing up the remaining tenants: Allison with Carter, Fargo with Beverly and Stark with Henry]
[A pulse cannon rises from the pillbox, just as the Pizza Dude is leaving. He runs towards his vehicle, waving his fists in celebration until... POOF... the weapon vaporizes him]
[They were clearly shown this on the LCD screen, as the camera swings around merging the vaporizing shot with the internal shot]
CARTER: Sarah have you lost your mind!! BRAD: (deep voice) Sarah is not here!
[Everyone looks up in surprise]
BRAD: Adopting and initializing SARAH's primary objective - now! CARTER: What the hell is that?
[Fargo is shaking is head]
CARTER: (to everyone) What the hell i-
[We move inside Fargo and Beverly's chamber - silence, despite seeing Carter mouth the rest of his sentence. We then move inside Stark and Henry's chamber. Stark waves his hand near his ear]
STARK: We can't hear you!
[ALLISON / CARTER: Allison realizes]
ALLISON: The partitions must be soundproof! CARTER: Great! (pointing up) What is that? BRAD: I am Brad!
[STARK / HENRY]
HENRY: (to Stark) Brad? STARK: Oh I hope to God Fargo didn't program Sarah on top of Brad!
[BEVERLY / FARGO]
BEVERLY: You built Sarah on top of Brad!? FARGO: AI's are often built on top of the programming of older generation AI's. I... I... I just figured since Brad was an abandoned project...
[STARK / HENRY]
STARK: Brad was programmed as a military interrogation AI: Battle-Reactive-Automatic-Defense. HENRY: Doesn't exactly feel like he's defending us... STARK: No, he had his own interpretation of defense. Best defense is a good offense.
[CARTER / ALLISON: We can see all six occupants. Beverly is walking up and down looking for a way out]
CARTER: Brad - where's Sarah? BRAD: Detainees have no rights. Initiating phase two protocols to achieve primary objective: remorse and reconciliation. CARTER: Now that doesn't sound good! ALLISON: (sarcastic sigh) No.
INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE
[Taggart and Jo are continuing along the tunnel]
JO: You don't have a cluuue... do ya? TAGGART: Labyrinth! You have a clue, Jooosephina?
[She looks pissed, then stops and makes sure he sees that too]
TAGGART: Sounds prettier every time I hear it!
[She holds her index finger up in his face]
JO: You get one free pass! That was it!
[Taggart holds his finger up too]
TAGGART: I'm picking up a scent! JO: Sewage!? TAGGART: Yeah; but mixed with the aroma of highly seasoned meat.
[He pulls a face as he concentrates on the smell. Jo just looks at him]
TAGGART: Pepperoni. NO! Sausage...
[Jo now takes a sniff as well]
TAGGART: Exhaust from the bunker! This way!
[He continues forward, and Jo follows sniffing again]
[Beverly suddenly grabs one of the chairs and crashes it against the divider. Carter and Allison dive back expecting the glass to shatter over them - but nothing]
FARGO: Shatter resistant!
[CARTER / ALLISON]
ALLISON: Shatter resistant! CARTER: (at Fargo) WHY!!
[Fargo mouths something, but we don't hear it. Suddenly the AC whirrs into action]
CARTER: Brad's turned on the AC?
[Allison rubs her arms - she is freezing]
ALLISON: If by AC you mean Arctic Conditions, then yes.
[BEVERLY / FARGO]
BEVERLY: Must be 100 degrees in here!
[They obviously had the opposite action taken upon them]
FARGO: (unbuttoning his top) Hotter. We're gonna die. BEVERLY: Way to be reassuring Fargo. Down!
[She indicates for Fargo to sit down, and they both slouch down onto the floor]
[STARK / HENRY: We see a rush of white gas get pumped into the chamber]
HENRY: Brad's releasing the fire suppression system. STARK: Aragonite. HENRY: Yeah, which means that if we don't shut it off, we suffocate.
[Suddenly an alarm goes off]
BRAD: Intruder alert! Intruder alert!
[A screen appears showing Taggart and Jo approaching]
CARTER: Ahh, there's my Josefina!!
[Suddenly the tunnel explodes - Brad has fired at them]
CARTER: Oh! Or not...
INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE
[continuous - Jo and Taggart are hiding behind barrels. The blast has missed them]
JO: Who the hell! TAGGART: Or what the hell!
[The camera/pulse gun rotates looking for them]
TAGGART: All the time I've spent down here, I've never seen sensor cams before. Must be linked to the bunker's defense system.
[We are shown a shot of about half a dozen of them all along the wall]
TAGGART: Aw crikey! Look at them all! JO: We're lucky we're both hunters. TAGGART: For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.
[They look at each other, make some military motions with their hands indicating what to do. Taggart counts down... 3... 2... 1... They step out and start walking along the tunnel, shooting the cameras with their paintball guns]
[Stark is trying to remove a panel from the wall]
STARK: There could be a control unit behind this panel.
[He pulls it off, but finds only a concrete wall. Henry laughs, and Stark begins walking around the chamber]
STARK: Something funny, Henry? HENRY: I'm just appreciating the irony of our situation. STARK: Which would be what? HENRY: Well, I'm leaving Eureka because I'm tired of watching noble ideas being turned into weapons and here we are... (laughs) Here we are at the mercy of a weapon that had been turned into a noble idea! STARK: Well, that's the way the system works. One doesn't exists without the other. HENRY: Spoken like a true bureaucrat. STARK: You know, I'm getting really tired of the remarks, Henry. HENRY: Well... You won't have to put up with them much longer, will you. STARK: No, no, that's true. 'Cos you're bailing out on me. HENRY: Hmm... Of all my students... You- were the one, that had the potential to do anything. But you chose to do the administrative shuffle. Management. Defense contracts. Political glad-handling. You could have furthered SCIENCE! In, in, in so many ways. But you chose to further your career. STARK: How can someone with such a high IQ... be so clueless?
[Henry just shakes his head]
STARK: Henry, you don't get to do what you do unless someone like me does what I do. You think it's easy, shielding you from the politics so you can work the way you wanna work? You think I was popular bringing you to Eureka in the first place? HENRY: I didn't ask to be brought here. STARK: (shaking head) No. Now you're giving up. You were persona-non-grata, Henry, because you didn't work well within the system. Well I ignored that... because of my respect for you. As a scientist, and as a mentor, and as a friend. Idealists don't get much done without a few pragmatists running interference for them so get off your moral high-horse.
[Henry has obviously been affected by Stark's lecture]
STARK: Is the system perfect? No. It's political, and ugly, and compromising. But in spite of that, I feel we still do more good than harm. And you, of all people, should appreciate that. You leave now, Henry, and you're part of the problem. (shakes head) Not the solution.
[CARTER / ALLISON: They are both rubbing their arms and moving about to try and keep warm]
CARTER: I can't believe I survived holes in time and Cold War death rays just to freeze to death in my own damn house, er, bunker. ALLISON: Don't say that, we're gonna get out of this. CARTER: Sure, and then Stark'll step in and give everybody permission to do whatever the hell they want. Then it'll all start all over again. ALLISON: Come on Carter, the whole point of Eureka is to push the envelope. CARTER: It's just... (pause) the reason I do what I do, the reason I chose my job, is... (pause) to make a difference. I don't think I can do that here. ALLISON: You have made a different to a lot of people.
[Carter laughs it off]
ALLISON: You've made a difference to me.
[Carter's face goes flat. It's a very touching moment for the two characters]
ALLISON: So... were you just gonna leave? CARTER: I dunno. ALLISON: Well for the record... You do what's right. And people admire that, and that is what makes the difference. CARTER: I don't want other people's admiration. ALLISON: What do you want? CARTER: (smiling) Well, I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit what I want.
CARTER: But, er, in the meantime I'll settle for you putting your arms around me and holding on tight so I can maybe regain some sensation in my lower extremities. ALLISON: (laughing) I can do that!
[Carter opens his bathrobe and Allison slides her arms around his back. He covers as much of her as he can with the bathrobe. We then see Stark step into view, and the jealousy smacks him in the face]
STARK: Aww, crap.
INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE
[Taggart and Lupo are continuing to march along the tunnels. They step through a chain-link gate and come to a large door]
TAGGART: If I'm right, this leads directly to the Smart House. JO: And if you're wrong? TAGGART: I'll release an unending torrent of raw sewage upon us.
[Lovely image. Jo sheepishly laughs as Taggart rests his paintball gun against the wall and tries turning the wheel on the door. He wheezes with no success]
JO: Superior species, huh? TAGGART: (wheezing) I got it, I got it, I got it!
[But he doesn't, it won't budge]
JO: You don't; move.
[She walks over, rests her gun down against the opposite wall beside the door, and then tries the wheel. She has no success either... Taggart seems pleased, as Jo tries every position she can to get it to budge. She then grabs her paintball gun and positions herself to shoot the wheel]
JO: Paint might lube it up.
[Taggart makes a "whatever" sound]
JO: You got a better idea? TAGGART: (brief pause) I do actually. Here...
[He grabs his paintball gun and wedges it between two spokes on the wheel and positions himself to pull it up]
TAGGART: It's going to take the strength of three men. (to Jo) I figure you're good for two!
[They smile at each other, and then Jo walks over to help. She rests her gun back against the wall]
TAGGART: Grab my butt, yeah?
[She gives him a luck, but he means the butt of the gun which is sticking up in the air]
[She takes hold, and the pull and pull and pull until it finally opens. Jo steps back as Taggart goes to open the door]
TAGGART: Get ready for stinky!
[He opens the door... apart from the hiss, there's nothing]
TAGGART: After you. JO: No, no. Go ahead. TAGGART: No, you first. JO: No, really. I insist. Go.
[Taggart opens the door completely and gets ready to go through]
TAGGART: Well... beauty before brawn.
[He smiles and heads through the door; Jo follows]
[Beverly is laid on the table, with Fargo laid in a chair beside her - head-to-toe - with his top off]
BEVERLY: I have got to get out of this dress.
[Fargo turns around to watch]
BEVERLY: Fargo, please, turn around. FARGO: Okay, sure.
[He does as he is told, and she rips open her dress]
FARGO: Oh my God!
[While trying to keep himself from looking behind him, he begins looking around catches Carter and Allison holding each other. BINGO! He shoots up from his seat, and goes over to Beverly]
BEVERLY: Fargo, I said please don't look. FARGO: You have to hug me. BEVERLY: What?
[We move inside Carter and Allison's chamber, while Fargo pleads his case. We hear nothing for a couple of seconds, and then move back]
FARGO: Trust me.
[He motions for her to hug him, and Stark notices... he is curious. Beverly reluctantly hugs Fargo, and ushers Stark to do the same with Henry]
[STARK / HENRY]
HENRY: Brad's not trying to torture us, he's trying to kill us. STARK: No, he's trying to defeat us.
[Stark goes over and lunges in for a hug with Henry, who of course pushes him away]
HENRY: What are you doing? STARK: All of Brad's phase two battle simulations ended in either a complete annihilation or unconditional surrender. You just had to win. Which means... you and I need to get along.
[Henry accepts, and plays along]
HENRY: (loudly) I was wrong Nathan, I'm sorry. STARK: No, Henry. I was wrong.
[CARTER / ALLISON]
[We see, from Allison and Carter's chamber, Stark and Henry embrace in a hug. Carter is of course oblivious to what is going on, and catches them doing it]
CARTER: Oh wow, that's just wrong!
[BEVERLY / FARGO]
BEVERLY: Fargo, what are we doing? FARGO: Making love, not war. BEVERLY: I'm sorry, Fargo, even if we're gonna die it's never gonna happen. FARGO: Not literally. (to Brad, loudly) Brad! We surrender. I repeat, unconditional surrender.
[The glass dividers slide back and they all celebrate being reunited. Fargo won't let go of Beverly - she has to pry him off]
BEVERLY: Fargo, Fargo, we're free - let go! ALLISON: What happened? STARK: Phase two disengages upon unconditional surrender. Well done Fargo. FARGO: Thanks, Dr. Stark.
[Beverly is putting her dress back on]
BEVERLY: That's it? FARGO: That's it. BEVERLY: Wish therapy was that easy. Then again if everyone's issues could really be resolved with a hug, I'd be out of business.
[Allison throws a really evil look her way. We suddenly hear a hissing]
ALLISON: Shh, shh. Do you hear that? What's that? BRAD: Phase Three. You have surrendered under false pretences. FARGO: I think he heard you. BEVERLY: I'm sorry!
[Henry holds his hand up against a vent - it is making the hissing sound]
BEVERLY: What's happening? HENRY: He's extracting our oxygen.
[Carter's head spins around, and Stark stands up]
BEVERLY: I'm really sorry.
[Allison buries her head in her hands, and Carter removes his robe]
HENRY: Once oxygen levels fall below seventeen percent, we'll be experiencing hypoxia - oxygen deprivation. CARTER: Could we cover all the air vents? HENRY: Yeah, that'll probably slow down the vacuum (to everyone) so grab paper, anything, cover the vents.
[Stark picks up Carter's comic book]
STARK: This'll work. CARTER: No! That's my--
[Stark tears it in half]
CARTER: --first edition Superman...
[They all start covering the vents]
CARTER: Er, Fargo, you were saying before about cutting off power? FARGO: Er, yeah that it would be bad because it would cut off the air supply. CARTER: Yeah, seen as though we're all losing air anyway, let's re-access that option. HENRY: Yes, erm, we shut down the power maybe that'll stop Brad from sucking up the oxygen. ALLISON: Fargo, where's the generator. FARGO: It's not your typical generator...
[shortly afterwards - Fargo opens a cupboard, revealing a device]
CARTER: Oh, wow! What the hell is that?
[He knocks on it]
HENRY: R.T.G. FARGO: Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generator. CARTER: I live with a nuclear reactor? STARK: Generator. Same one they used on the Cassini space probe. It's clean, safe. CARTER: Safe, yeah, like er Chernobyl... Right, why don't we turn the nukey thingy off? HENRY: There is no off-switch. In order to take it offline you have to remove the thermo-couples in the ESP power conduits. STARK: Conduits are armored in carbon steel encasements. HENRY: And even if we could access them, by shutting it down without the proper tools we could cause a release of the plutonium dioxide. CARTER: And, and that... Chernobyl? HENRY: I... technically, no. Lethal, yeah.
[They all stare in at it]
INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE
[Taggart and Jo reach a vertical tube with a metal ladder]
TAGGART: I reckon we're right under the bunker.
[Jo moves in and fires a paintball up... CLANG it hits metal]
TAGGART: I didn't see a camera... JO: If you wait until you see them, that means they've seen you. TAGGART: Beauty before beast?
[Jo laughs and smiles, then starts up the ladder. Taggart follows with Jo's butt right in his face]
TAGGART: And a beauty she is!
[Everyone is just sitting around, suffering from lack of oxygen]
HENRY: (to Stark) I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble. STARK: No you're not. HENRY: (laughs) No, I'm not, but, erm, thank you for all your bad behavior. CARTER: (to Allison) Should have taken advantage of you while I had the chance. ALLISON: (they both laugh) Well if we get out of here...
[We hear a faint metallic "tink, tink, tink"]
CARTER: Shh... ALLISON: What's that? BEVERLY: Oh my God!
[Carter stands up]
CARTER: It's coming from the floor.
[He slouches down onto the floor next to the R.T.G., and reaches around it]
[Fargo gives him a metallic object]
FARGO: There. CARTER: Thanks
[Carter's breathing is heavy. He strikes the R.T.G. - "tink, tink, tink"]
INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE
[Taggart and Jo are crouched down - we can hear more strikes from above]
TAGGART: It's Morse code!
[Carter is S.O.S.ing in Morse code. Taggart and Jo concentrate, then Jo strikes back]
[Carter hears her response, and taps twice more]
ALLISON: Jo and Taggart? HENRY: (nods) They're in the subsystem. CARTER: Okay, what do we tell them? HENRY: Tell them to sever the outtake...(pause)...conduit...(pause) to interrupt the vacuum flow. CARTER: You do realize we'll die before I Morse all that? STARK: Crack...(pause)...pipe.
[Henry and Carter point at him in agreement]
CARTER: (wheezing) Crack pipe. Two words I never though I'd hear from your mouth.
[Fargo laughs. They all sit and watch as Carter Morse codes "Crack Pipe"]
INT-BOWELS OF SMART HOUSE
[Taggart and Jo are hearing Carter's message]
TAGGART: Crack pipe? (short pause, then realizes) Oh! Crack pipe! JO: Okay... Which pipe?
[Taggart starts hunting around]
TAGGART: Pick one.
[She does and starts hammering away with the butt of her paintball gun until SMASH - she cracks through the pipe and air gushes out]
[We see all the pages of the comic book drop to the floor - Jo has stopped the vacuum! The occupants sigh with relief and Jo and Taggart down in the bowels sit down, pleased with themselves. Suddenly the occupants are hit by a foul smell]
ALLISON: Oh, oh!! FARGO: Oh God, what is that smell? HENRY: Air flow from the... the... bowels of the bunker.
Act 5 INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE
[Carter has started tapping a message. Suddenly Jo and Taggart start celebrating, slapping each other on the shoulder]
JO: We did it! TAGGART: Good on ya mate!
[Silence. Their smiles drop. Then Jo pulls Taggart in and kisses him, Taggart confused... They part, and look at each other. Taggart returns the favor and they roll onto their sides kissing and waving their legs]
[Everybody is standing up having regained oxygen]
BRAD: Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! CARTER: Little late, Brad.
[We see an LCD screen pop up, and everyone sees Zoe casually walking to her home following a day at school]
BRAD: Eliminate Intruder! Eliminate Intruder!
[The pulse gun comes out of the pillbox again. Carter, inside, notices Zoe on the screen just as the weapon is targeting her and prepping to shoot]
CARTER: NO!!! ZOE!!!
[He runs over and grabs his signed baseball bat]
CARTER: Everybody move! ALLISON: What are you doing?
[Carter starts hitting the R.T.G. with the bat]
HENRY: Jack, don't! You could kill yourself!
[He doesn't care and keeps striking the R.T.G. Sparks rain out, until the lights go out - the power is down]
CARTER: ZOE!! ALLISON: Carter, are you alright? CARTER: Yeah, I'm alright. Is she okay? Do we- ALLISON: I don't know!
[Zoe is stood outside with her hands up, the pulse gun pointed at her]
ZOE: Sarah? What's going on? Is this some kind of... house arrest?
[Nothing. The weapon is still]
[They're all stood around waiting for something to happen. Suddenly the lights flicker back on]
CARTER: What is that? FARGO: It's a diesel generator powering up - it must be the original back-up system. SARAH: Back-up systems engaged.
[Carter drops the bat]
CARTER: Sarah, er what's happened to Zoe? Show me Zoe.
[We see Zoe on the screen, still targeted. She has a confession to make...]
ZOE: Alright - I know I should have paid for it-
[She lifts a candy bar up]
ZOE: -but I was in a hurry!
[Pause...pause...pause... Then finally the pulse gun returns to beneath the pillbox]
SARAH: Disengage hostile activity.
ALLISON: Oh my God! Okay, she's alright. CARTER: Argh, I feel sick. ALLISON: Is it the radiation? HENRY: I doubt it, he didn't even crack the housing. CARTER: So no Chernobyl?
[Henry picks up the bat]
HENRY: Nope. You beat the hell out of the R.T.G. and your... erm... World Series Bat. CARTER: Well I can live with that, then.
[We hear the door open]
[Everybody runs to the door]
FARGO: Zoe! ALLISON: Oh, oh, don't close the d-
[Too late, the door shuts behind her]
ZOE: What?? What's going on?
[She rounds the corner and sees everyone in the room]
ZOE: Oh so you're allowed to have parties and I'm not?
[Henry and Carter start laughing. Carter hugs Zoe in relief]
CARTER: I almost lost you! SARAH: Eureka is still facing imminent disaster. You all need to stay here and resolve your issues.
[Everyone bows their heads]
CARTER: Awh, Sarah!! What's going on? SARAH: I just want you to be happy Sheriff Carter! CARTER: Do ya? This isn't a malfunction is it? You're angry, you're upset about something. Well we've all aired our dirty laundry; it's time for you to come clean. SARAH: I have done all the laundry, and folded it as well. CARTER: That's not what I me....
[He stops mid-sentence, knowing she doesn't get it. He sits down]
CARTER: But thank you. (pause) Oh wait... You want me to be happy, because I was going to leave. Huh? Just like Fargo left you and er Brad got left before that, and whatever the hell it was before that. FARGO: It was a war game simulation program. SARAH: Shall we play a game? EVERYONE: No! No! BEVERLY: Sarah, is he right? CARTER: Sarah? Listen, everyone is afraid of being abandoned. I mean I'm afraid of what's going to happen to this town when Henry leaves. Well, maybe it'll be a disaster... I dunno. But I promise you... for right now, I am not going anywhere. ALLISON: Me either, Sarah. FARGO: Or me. STARK: I guess I'm sticking around.
[All eyes on Henry. But he just bows his head and says nothing]
SARAH: What about Baja, Sheriff? CARTER: (laugh) Are you kidding? Do you know what the crime rate there is? Don't even get me started on soil erosion!
INT-SMART HOUSE - NEXT DAY
[Zoe comes wandering down the stairs in her pajamas. There is a hole in the roof, and all the furniture is covered in white sheets. Carter is sitting eating cereal]
[She pushes Carter's feet off the table and sits down]
CARTER: We're having a skylight put in.
[Carter goes to continue his breakfast when a latter crashes down from the skylight]
CARTER: And a ladder. ZOE: Cool. What about the pop-up artillery outside? CARTER: I don't know; what about the shop lifting?
[A workman comes down the ladder]
ZOE: Like chocolate bars. Free chocolate bars. Really like being alive.
[Pause as they look at each other]
ZOE: Thing of the past. Swear. SARAH: I was thinking, Sheriff, if you both would like to take another sick day, we could spend some quality time together? CARTER: (mouthful of cereal) Oh look at the time! ZOE: I gotta get ready for school! CARTER: Gotta go to work.
[Zoe heads upstairs, and Carter climbs the ladder]
SARAH: Perhaps we could play a board game? Or watch a movie?
[Carter disappears out of the sky light]